


'Twas The Night Before

by InappropriateShoes



Category: Homeland
Genre: Advent Calendar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2016-12-12
Packaged: 2018-09-08 02:27:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8826820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InappropriateShoes/pseuds/InappropriateShoes
Summary: Advent Calendar Story for December 12: A Christmas mashup of Homeland, 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, and How the Grinch Stole Christmas.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Humbly submitted to the incredibly talented and lovely people of this fandom.

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,  
Not a creature was stirring - except for this louse.  
Adal was his name, Dar if you dare,  
Stockings were flung on the banister sans care.

Franny was nestled and snug in her bed,  
Visions of Mommy and Quinn, soon to be wed.  
Dar pulled out his kerchief, pulled off his red hat,  
And dried his wet eyes, at the thought of that.

There was moaning and groaning heard from above,  
Knocking of boots, and cries of love.  
"Yes!" she screamed, "Carrie!" moaned he,  
As they climaxed together making Dar more angry.

When out on the lawn he heard such a clatter,  
Dar dashed to the window to see what was the matter.  
Away to the window he flew with a flash,  
Tore open the shutters and drew up the sash.

What was he doing here? Friend or foe?  
On their side or his? He did not know.  
Were they both there to carry out nefarious plots?  
Yes. Yes they were. I shit you not.

"These two shall not wed." Dar vowed once again,  
And Santa slash Saul had the same plan.  
"Not Dasher, not Dancer, not Prancer, not Vixen  
Will prevent me from stopping this unholy Union!"

"Santa?" Dar heard and spun around quickly,  
He spied the young girl, staring inquisitively.  
"Is it really you, Santa?" she asked with a coo,  
Donned in a pink onesie, her look very Cindy Lou Who.

Her eyes how they twinkled, her dimples how merry,  
Her cheeks like roses and her hair like cherry.  
"Are you here for the wedding?" She inquired chattily,  
"For this time tomorrow, I'll finally have a Daddy!"

On the verge of dashing little Cindy Lou Who's dreams,  
Soot puffed from the fireplace, along with a scream.  
"Motherfucker!" yelled the fat man, not an ounce of jolly,  
And there stood second Santa, on a mission of folly.

A bewildered Franny gazed from Santa One to the other,  
"What the what?! How can this be? Are the two of you brothers?"  
But much like her mother, Franny's quick on her feet,  
"You both shall come to the wedding, and then feast on roast beast!"

"Ahem" came from the stairs, where two adults were seething,  
"Sorry, Franny, they can't stay, for they were just leaving.  
They're not on the guest list - R.S.V.P. only,  
Not welcome in this house, are the evil and pathetic (thus lonely)."

The woman a vision in a see-through nighty,  
The man in reindeer boxers, his junk spectacular and mighty!  
Fierceness and anger, passion and power,  
Loomed over the poor Santas, who in fear they did cower.

Quinn approached slowly and said as he got near,  
"You've kept us apart too many a year."  
He cornered Santa One, Carrie moved on Santa Two,  
"This wedding won't be stopped," they said, "not by you... and not by you."

"No, Mommy! Stop, Quinn! You cannot be correct!"  
Franny's plea gave Quinn pause, hands hovered 'round Dar's neck.  
"The Santas won't cause trouble, for it is Christmas Eve, -  
They are loving, kind and gentle, and bring children what they need!"

"Every Christmas now for years, I have wished for a father.  
Someone sweet, strong and dependable, who'd proudly call me daughter.  
I've yearned so for a family, just like Aunt Maggie's  
Except I'm glad to say, MY mother's not so naggy."

"This Christmas it will happen, in Two Thousand and Sixteen!  
Santas WOULDN'T dash my wedding wish - these Santas are not mean!"  
Upon this pronouncement, something very strange occurred,  
The Santas sniffed in unison and tears their vision blurred.

Right then and there they changed their minds, they more than acquiesced,  
They embraced the love that was in that room, and felt something in their chests.  
Their hearts then grew three times their size, just as did once the Grinch's,  
Oh yes, their hearts were tiny too, did I forget to mention?

The wedding itself a lovely affair, and after the Santas got blasted.  
There were even more surprises in store - Virgil, Max and Astrid!  
Singing and dancing until the wee hours... oh, my dears, the happiness!  
I promise you this, lovely C/Q fans, no more Christmases of Crappiness!

I know it sounds unlikely, but I implore you to believe,  
That Ganza and his merry crew, can write more than misery.  
So join me and little Franny, and wish with all your might...

Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

The end.

**Author's Note:**

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> Thank you to all who offered encouragement, help and advice when my brain was nothing but tumbleweeds!


End file.
